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‘A true doll mother, that's what my mother called me. Taking care of my dolls was something I took very seriously as a girl. My mother was my great example in that. I dreamed of becoming a mother like her one day…'

But what if getting pregnant doesn't happen naturally?
It's summer 2015. We had everything in place to give it a try. I stopped using contraception. Every month was nerve-wracking. A year passed, but a positive pregnancy test didn't come. We decided to consult our GP and were referred to a gynecologist. An exploratory investigation began. What should have been romantic turned into a clinical and heavy process.
It turned out there was nothing wrong with either of us, but due to my age (I was thirty at the time), we started with IUI, or artificial insemination. After the consultation with the gynecologist, a kind nurse gave me instructions on how to inject myself with medication to stimulate the maturation of multiple eggs (follicles) simultaneously. I am a nurse myself, but giving yourself injections is quite something. But hey, there was hope again. I would get pregnant soon.
Nothing could be further from the truth. It was now autumn 2017. The six IUI attempts had not resulted in a pregnancy. The next step had arrived - the IVF process - but I needed rest. The combination of the intense process, my busy job at the time as a district nurse, and my perfectionism had led me to burnout. I couldn't go on. Meanwhile, more and more people in our surroundings were getting pregnant. Gosh, that was heartbreaking ... Why not us?

Spring 2018
We decided to pick up the thread again. We visited the gynecologist at the Maasstad Hospital where they perform IVF treatments. More tests followed. In the summer, we finally got the green light for the first IVF attempt. How exciting that was! With a heavy heart, I told my manager. This journey would require a lot from me. I have never had such a heartwarming response. My colleagues were also very empathetic and supported me where they could. The openness about the process made it much easier for me. Support and understanding from loved ones are essential. Unfortunately, we also lost some people, but fortunately, understanding new friends came in return.

Needles, pills, hospital ... hormones
A long journey of hospital visits, injecting, and taking hormones began. The first attempt, full of good spirits. It was tough. We had underestimated it. Injecting hormones on time. The impact of hormones on your body and mood, on your social life and relationship. But we could do this. I did everything to live as healthily as possible. We spent hundreds of euros to make all conditions as optimal as possible. There was only one goal: to get pregnant.
Three attempts followed in almost two years. I lost count of the number of transfers and the accompanying disappointments. I responded well to the medication and always had around ten follicles.
I will never forget the first puncture. I was so nervous. The puncture was not pleasant but bearable. My husband then had to take my precious follicles in a 'James Bond briefcase' to the Erasmus MC where the IVF lab is located. He had to make his contribution in the charming 'sunflower room'. Everyone in that department, of course, knew what he was going to do. Meanwhile, I was on the other side of Rotterdam, drowsy from the medication but anxiously waiting for a call from him. Everything had worked out. Tears of relief streamed down my face. They had found enough usable eggs and my husband's contribution was also good. The IVF procedure would begin. I received some guidelines for living and more hormones. A few days later, we would find out if there would be a transfer and at what time.

The Replacement
There you are, waiting together for the relieving phone call. They call you in the morning to let you know if you can come. In other words, whether fertilization has taken place and what time you can report. We received good news. After the phone call, we drove towards Rotterdam to have a fertilized egg replaced. A very special moment. You already feel somewhat pregnant. In the car, I kept my hand on my stomach. I wished for it to nestle in and stay. Meanwhile, my husband took an extra lap around the Feyenoord stadium in the hope that it would bring luck. Earlier that week, he had also done that with the 'James Bond briefcase'.

The Waiting Period
The toughest weeks of the journey. You can't do anything, just wait and live healthily. My feelings were all over the place. Sometimes I was on cloud nine and sometimes I felt sad, frustrated, unsure, and dared not to hope. And then the day of your expected menstruation arrives. My body couldn't be fooled. Not even with hormones. Everything always came on time, and it stayed that way. Disappointment after disappointment, another year and seven months long. Until I turned out to be pregnant at the last transfer. We were so happy. The joy back then is indescribable. Unfortunately, it didn't last long.

Same Old Song
After four days on cloud nine... menstruation. Intensely sad. But there was no time for that sadness. We wanted to move on. Immediately followed by another attempt because my body had produced HCG on its own. We hoped that this time it would go well because of that. I had my last puncture on Carnival Saturday. This time, I didn't have a good yield in terms of eggs, and the attempt failed. It was over. We were 'out of treatment options'. We had a final discussion and were advised to seek a second opinion abroad.
We talked about a life without children and the options we had. We considered them all. In the end, we decided to let it rest and make a fourth attempt in a year. Even if we had to pay for it ourselves.

Tipping Point
I shared my grief with my mother. It was difficult for our parents as well. One morning, my mother gave me the phone number of an acupuncturist. She specialized in issues related to becoming pregnant. I decided to call, but I didn't expect miracles anymore. I could get an appointment quickly, and that was the tipping point…
I visited my acupuncturist Miranda for the first time. I was full of emotion and felt empty, burnt out, but above all, frustrated. Miranda reassured me, and I felt understood and heard because of that. There was an extensive intake, and Miranda described exactly what I was feeling. I was out of balance, and it would take at least three months to restore that balance. I went to see her every other week, and I looked forward to it. I experienced intense inner peace after her treatments. Something I hadn't felt in years. My whole body felt different. My entire cycle changed. I even briefly thought I was entering menopause. But Miranda reassured me. I noticed that I had a calm belly breathing again instead of high and shallow breathing. I received positive feedback from people around me. They thought I was calmer and more cheerful. And that's how I felt too. I went there to get pregnant, but that was no longer the sole goal. I mainly wanted to take good care of myself and I enjoyed how I felt. I could even enjoy my sister-in-law's pregnancy.

Tired, tired, tired
It is early March 2021. We had decided to make one last attempt, but only at the end of summer. I was feeling great and full of energy. Until one day... I was incredibly tired. It was also during the time of the coronavirus. Could I have covid then? The test was negative, but the fatigue persisted. I couldn't even make it through my workday. Sometimes I had to take a power nap in between. And it continued...

First Easter Sunday
And there it was, spring again. It was the first Easter Sunday and we were invited to my sister-in-law and brother-in-law's for brunch. That morning, I noticed that I was already a few days late. Since I was enjoying life again and wanted to have a glass of wine that evening, I decided to take a test. My husband was in the kitchen. I took the test and would check in a few minutes. In those six years, I had done so many tests that we were not anxiously waiting anymore. But with a test, I could at least be sure that I could have a glass of wine... Or not?
I turned out to be pregnant! My goodness. How is this possible? In disbelief. Without IVF. Just spontaneously. We both couldn't stand on our feet. The feeling was indescribable. So happy and grateful. We went to the Easter brunch with a big smile and decided to keep it a secret for now.

I am now five weeks away from the due date. It remains exciting, and I will only be truly relieved when I have our son healthy and well in my arms. To give my feelings a place, I decided to start my leave by putting our story on paper. For myself, closing a very sad chapter, and I hope, for others, a glimmer of hope when getting pregnant doesn't happen naturally.

This is an abbreviated version of the story that Mirella wrote for her acupuncturist's website. Mirella is now over twenty weeks pregnant with her second child.

Treating acupuncturist: Miranda Bravenboer

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